Friday, December 4, 2009

The Evenings

When you are alone after always having someone, the hardest 'thing' is your evenings. You hold things in all day to share with your 'someone'. Or at least I did. I kept a mental list. I would start getting excited when I knew he was close to home. He would always call. I would ask where he was and figure out the time. If I hadn't showered (yep I do that sometimes) I would rush to get ready. If I was cooking I would finish things up. I would get the dog all excited and even stand at the window waiting. Now I try to forget about it all.

During my day I start making my mental list and realize it won't be shared. I quickly erase it. Then I start doing it again. There were times I couldn't wait until he came home so I would txt him. I have found myself txting in my head now. I miss sharing with him.

So to help with this missing part I am going to throw out my mental list here. I know, crazy, but I just need to get it out of my head.

Here it is:

*The babies slept all day. They took the longest naps ever. I am sure it was from all the traveling and being busy with family. I selfishly loved it.

*The evening wasn't so good. My little man hit a wall around 5:30. Screamed and screamed and screamed. It got to the point where I just let him. Of course my little girl started in with him. I began to laugh as I sat eating chinese food while holding screaming babies. Bed came early.

*My little girl wouldn't have the 'to bed early' stuff. So I held her. She smiled and smiled and smiled. Of course she touched my face with her sweet hand. She loves to do that now. It melted my heart.

*Itsy got into my suitcase and started to eat the baby formula. Yep had to throw away expensive formula. NOT HAPPY!

*When the chinese came Itsy went right into the bathroom without me having to make her go. She finally knows what to do.

*The people at the end (I would insert our name for them but that isn't nice on the web) she was 'fully covered today'. I wonder what is going on in that home.

* I watched a lady try to get rid of a friend. The friend just wouldn't go. It made me laugh.

*Itsy is so confused.

I know you are probably thinking, MAN she thinks and talks too much. I wouldn't dump all this on him at once. It would come out throughout the evening. Of course as we would fall asleep I would have one more thought. It would always be about the babies. *I gave them a bath today. They smelled so bad with the spit and dirty neck combo. Now I can't stop pulling them close and smelling them.

Yep the evenings are so hard. Thanks for listening.


  1. I <3 you. And that's all I got.

  2. Always here to listen to your list. :)

  3. I love you! And you can text me your random thoughts whenever you want!! I'd love to hear about how your babies necks smell and I can tell you how my not-so-baby boy now grabs his balls as hard as he possibly can every single time I change his diaper.

  4. As you were explaining the list thing I was thinking .... she should just blog her list! And then you did!! hehehe

  5. I'm glad you blogged your list.

    I'll always be here to read it. :)


  6. I love the list!
    Our thoughts like that are the best to me.

    Hang in there.
    Always here to listen, anytime.

  7. I explained this exact same thing to him Thursday night. I get it. It's so sad. It hit me hard Tuesday when I was just needing to release into him and then realized that he wouldn't be coming through the door...he would be going to a different home. I so understand. My hope is that the feeling and the need goes away. I don't think that writing it on a blog is the same. It helps, but it's not the same.

  8. I'll always listen...always.

  9. Keep on sharing, even when your baby boy starts grabbing his balls. LOL

  10. Always here to read your lists! :) I totally feel you on the evening thing....I was the same way with the weekends after my last ex and I broke up. He lived with me on the weekends for 6-7 months. One day you will find someone who can't wait to hear your list...and has a list for you! :) Hang in there! Those babies are soo cute!