Tuesday, September 15, 2009

The Middle of the Bed

Thank you to everyone. Your comments and emails have been so encouraging.

Throughout our marriage we have always had our side of the bed. I can't even remember how it was decided years ago. I am always on the left side. When he would be away I still stayed on my side of the bed. Even for long periods of time I would never move into the middle of the bed.

I decided last night it is time to move on. He came around to help out yesterday and was back to his old ways.He misses me. He wishes things were different. He would change it all if he could. I have heard these words before. It got to the point in our conversation where if I had asked him to come back he would have. When he left I felt very alone. By nightfall I knew it was all games again. I can't play his games. I moved into the middle of the bed.

When I woke up this morning stretched out I decided to continue to move forward. Of course he never called to check on me or the babies today. It shows he hasn't changed. I know the world is praying for things to work out but as far as I can see, there is no chance for that. I am tired of being hurt. I deserve the best. He isn't the best.

This new journey I am on is beyond hard. My anxiety is high. I don't like the feeling. Thank God for babies to keep me busy or I would never come out of bed but at least I would be in the middle of the bed.

13 comments:

  1. I'm sorry he's not there for you and the babies. I will be praying not necessarily for the two of you to get back together, but for peace and happiness in your life...however it takes for you to get it. And live it up in the middle of the bed!!

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  2. Praying for a good night's sleep in the middle of the bed tonight. Praying as always. Love you!

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  3. Good for you, moving to the middle of the bed! I hope you have some other support system in place for you and the babies - family? friends? You need a break now and then and it always helps to have someone to lean on. Hang in there sweetie, you are doing great!

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  4. I think you should go and buy your dream bed to sleep in the middle of... Maybe one like Edward buys in Eclipse ;-) All joking aside, you are doing great! He will play games, apparently it's who he is. Choosing to not participate in those games is an act of reclaiming the life that is yours. Keep choosing the best in everything! LOVE YOU!

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  5. Having the whole bed can be such deliciousness! Praying for strength, peace and happiness for you and the babies.

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  6. Oh, I love the middle of the bed. I just wish for you all the best!

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  7. Life is more complicated than we ever imagine it will be and many times we are forced to make choices that amaze us. Your ability to choose the center of the bed is in itself wonderful. I am faced with a similar but different set of circumstances, a husband who has done the same after 20 years of marriage and 26 years of togetherness. The key, I have found, is having a solid circle of support. My "wagons" circle me each time he returns and then leaves again for this other woman. The human spirit becomes worn and tired, it is hard to face each day knowing that the life you pictured no longer exists. But facing each day makes us stronger I am told. Look around you and know that your life is filled with joy, challenges yes but joy as well. Your babies are joy indeed. I trust and believe that your own "wagons" have circled tightly around you, this blog is proof of that. Faith in the future, have faith and stay strong. Reading your thoughts is a gift that we must thank you for. In the end stay true to yourself.

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  8. I'm proud of you for not playing his games. Enjoy the middle of the bed. You are in my prayers. Give those babies a big hug for me!

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  9. You should go out and get yourself some new bedding as well. Something bright and feminine and happy. You'll need that space on either side of you to snuggle each of the babes on lazy weekends.

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  10. I am proud of you for taking back the bed. It may seem like a small step, but it's an important step. And you're right--you deserve the best.

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  11. You DO deserve the best.

    Now go out and buy some new bedding and make that room your own!

    Love you!

    {{{hugs}}}

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  12. You deserve the middle, the left AND the right side of the bed! Wishing and praying for you, strength for each new day, hope for tomorrow and much love, patience and widsom to parent your babies. They are so lucky and blessed to you have as their mama!

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