Thank you to everyone. Your comments and emails have been so encouraging.
Throughout our marriage we have always had our side of the bed. I can't even remember how it was decided years ago. I am always on the left side. When he would be away I still stayed on my side of the bed. Even for long periods of time I would never move into the middle of the bed.
I decided last night it is time to move on. He came around to help out yesterday and was back to his old ways.He misses me. He wishes things were different. He would change it all if he could. I have heard these words before. It got to the point in our conversation where if I had asked him to come back he would have. When he left I felt very alone. By nightfall I knew it was all games again. I can't play his games. I moved into the middle of the bed.
When I woke up this morning stretched out I decided to continue to move forward. Of course he never called to check on me or the babies today. It shows he hasn't changed. I know the world is praying for things to work out but as far as I can see, there is no chance for that. I am tired of being hurt. I deserve the best. He isn't the best.
This new journey I am on is beyond hard. My anxiety is high. I don't like the feeling. Thank God for babies to keep me busy or I would never come out of bed but at least I would be in the middle of the bed.