Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Its Over

I began this email early this morning with a dying computer. Of course before I could hit publish it died and I lost it. My moment of quiet has ended. It at least helped my mind to quiet so I could sleep another hour before the babies came alive again.

After trying with all my might to save my marriage he decided it wasn't worth his time anymore. He lied and lied and lied some more. He lied so much he didn't know what was truth anymore. It all came to an end with, "I don't have feelings for you anymore. I really never have." I knew right then and there I was DONE! No more games. It would take a miracle for my heart to be changed toward him. I don't want a weak man full of lies and lust.

Part of me is relieved to be done with this part of my life. Well done really won't be complete until September of next year. He is living as if we are divorced. I wish it were that easy where we lived. The other part of me is broken. I look at my children and am sad. We would have had so much fun together raising them. The past 13 years were good. Hard at times but good. I am sad about it all.

I wish I could fast forward a year. I hope by then the pain will be dull. The breathing will be easier. The pressure will be lifted. I do know I NEVER want to speak to 'her' or have her in my life. She will always be a homewrecker to me. I think he believes it will be like the movies with us. We will all be good friends. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS! I won't be friends with her AND I will never be his friend again.

I could go on and on. I could get ugly. Maybe one day. ;) Right now I am just done.

14 comments:

  1. As much as I am heartbroken for you - I can't help but feel that you have done the right thing. You gave him a really generous chance at redeeming himself and he failed miserably. You can only open your heart so many times before you just need to close it off to him and focus on your children and eventually on finding love again.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this.

    Hugs,

    Jen

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  2. I am sorry, but I am so hopeful that you will start to heal. It may be a small comfort, but you can know that you did everything you could and tried your best, no one could ask for more.
    Sending you good thoughts.

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  3. Thinking of you, Sunny. You are trying your best, which is much more than can be said for him.

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  4. I am so sorry. But it really does sound like you have given him every possible opportunity. Here's to a speedy healing and lots and lots of snuggles with your little ones.

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  5. Sending lots of good thoughts to you and your beautiful babies. You did all you could and are the better person for it. I wish that you didn't have to go through this, but I know you will be fine when the dust settles!

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  6. Sunny -

    Sending you all the hugs I can!! You have absolutely put your all into saving your marriage. I am going to pray for a healing heart as you deal with all of this. Love you girl!

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  7. Sunny, you and those babes are always in my thoughts. I'm so sorry you are going through all this and that he has disrespected all your years together. You are so much stronger than him!

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  8. I'm so sorry. We all support you know matter what.

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  9. I would hope no one could possibly think that you should ever be friends with THAT woman. I understand you will need to have contact with your children's father, but that should be as far as your courtesy should extend.

    I have to admit that after reading this, how did they ever come to meet? Was this someone you knew before the IVF cycle?

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  10. We're all here for you - and know what joy and amazingness HE loses out on. You're the better person, and clearly the stronger one.

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  11. I'm so sorry. I wish I could say something that would ease your pain. I'm glad you have the closure you need to move on. As much as it hurts...
    ~Tara

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  12. love you sunny. so sorry you have to go through all of this. You are such a strong woman and mommy...I am in awe. I can't imagine making the decisions and choices you have had to make and caring for twins. You and the kiddos are always in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love your way.

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  13. I really thought he was a better man. He had everyone snowed. Sigh.

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  14. I don't know how I missed reading this the day you posted it.

    I'm very sorry, Sunny. I know how hard you tried and how much you wanted it to work. You should be proud of yourself for knowing that you gave it your best effort.

    I know it's hard to believe now, but you're better off without him. he doesn't deserve you or those precious babies.

    {{{hugs}}}

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