I began this email early this morning with a dying computer. Of course before I could hit publish it died and I lost it. My moment of quiet has ended. It at least helped my mind to quiet so I could sleep another hour before the babies came alive again.
After trying with all my might to save my marriage he decided it wasn't worth his time anymore. He lied and lied and lied some more. He lied so much he didn't know what was truth anymore. It all came to an end with, "I don't have feelings for you anymore. I really never have." I knew right then and there I was DONE! No more games. It would take a miracle for my heart to be changed toward him. I don't want a weak man full of lies and lust.
Part of me is relieved to be done with this part of my life. Well done really won't be complete until September of next year. He is living as if we are divorced. I wish it were that easy where we lived. The other part of me is broken. I look at my children and am sad. We would have had so much fun together raising them. The past 13 years were good. Hard at times but good. I am sad about it all.
I wish I could fast forward a year. I hope by then the pain will be dull. The breathing will be easier. The pressure will be lifted. I do know I NEVER want to speak to 'her' or have her in my life. She will always be a homewrecker to me. I think he believes it will be like the movies with us. We will all be good friends. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS! I won't be friends with her AND I will never be his friend again.
I could go on and on. I could get ugly. Maybe one day. ;) Right now I am just done.