Mom Guilt

Maybe I should really just call this fill in the blank guilt.
*Friend Guilt
*Wife Guilt
*Girl friend Guilt
*Work Guilt
The list goes on and on. You have expectations of yourself and you just don't meet up to them. You let the little voice in your head tell you how you failed.

Today my kids slept like poop. I was hoping nap time would be better but then it was poop. Poop sleep equals poop behaviors. Right now as I am typing this my girl is sitting in timeout screaming her head off. She can be so stubborn. The timeout is because she screamed for more chips and tv. The beginning of the guilt.

We watch too much tv. I try to limit it to just the morning and then maybe before bed but days like this when naps are short we watch more. The next thing I know they won't stop begging for it. THAT is when there has been too much tv. TV never killed me as a kid but I can hear those voices telling me all kinds of 'you are a bad mom' talk.

Snack today was chips. My kids LOVE THEM! I wanted to give them something to make them happy. We ended in some apple to try and balance it out. I do the same with mac & cheese and a can of carrots. Balancing the guilt.

A life without this silly guilt. Here's a little look into my guilt head... I should...
*call my dad more
*check on my friends
*be a better listener
*stop putting things off
*have quiet times
*exercise (I truly hate it)

What are some of your guilts? We need a place where we can share and not see judgment or even answers. Just share our hearts. Get the guilt out of our heads. Sometimes just speaking or typing them makes them fly away. So share... make your guilt fly far far away!

Both kids are now laughing and being silly, for now!

Some of My Favorites...

Just thinking about what I love besides the 'in your face' loves. The little loves I can pass onto you sweet people. Here's my list in no special order...

*Trader Joe's Tingling shampoo. My head is in heaven.
*Trader Joe's smore treats
*Google+
*The Help (now one of my top 3 favorite books of all time)
*Summer TV (especially Love Bites)
*Watermelon Vodka, goes amazing with lemonade. I call it the Jolly Rancher.
*Mahjong Trails on Facebook
*Skype
*Matt Nathanson... I can never get enough of him.
*Summer concerts
*A 6 pack of mixed beers

The Puke List
*Summer vacation and a new career
*Morning playtime outside
*pool time in the back with drinks
*Evening walks with the family
*Listening to my little man walk through the store asking what is everything

HATES...

*Stupid flies that WON'T go away!
*The physical pains of getting old or having very heavy kids.

What are your favorites lately? Hates?

The Pressure

I have been blogging in my head for months. It never stops. I do most of my blogging while in the shower. By the time I get out I have two little ones screaming, HOLD YOU, and the post is gone. Then I start to worry... what do I say first? How do I get started? The pressure is causing me not to blog which is how this 'pause' started. So I am just pushing forward.

I know many of you have questions about what happened this past year. Feel free to leave a comment or shoot out an email. I will try my best to fill you in. BUT here on this blog... I am just moving forward. Trying to fill in the blanks will ruin the fun and only add that pressure. I even thought of starting another blog and starting completely fresh but it doesn't change anything.

Just know this blog will be about me and my life. My life is full of little ones and fears of the unknown. In other words, it will be all over the place. Now the pressure is GONE!

I'm Back!!!!

No, you aren't seeing things I am really blogging! I have missed it so much I have decided to come back to this world now that my life has settled down. I need the free therapy it brings.

To catch you up...
*I am still married and life is good.
*The twins are two and amazing.
*I just finished teaching first grade and plan to stay at home with the kids now.

I have been blogging in my head all this time and can't wait to actually get it out there into the blog world. I also plan to start back on the twins page with pictures. More to come on that soon.

NOW catch me up with you!

Breathing is Optional

Right?

I find myself wanting to come back here so often but then the world (twins) fill my every moment. When I finally have alone time I am spent. So here I am with little ones crawling around filling the room with noise.

People ask all the time... How are you? My reply is usually fine. good. okay. They shake their heads, smile and say... I don't know how you do it. I then reply with... I just do it. Its easy. This week hasn't been that easy. Today hasn't been that easy.

My little ones have been so fussy. Most of the day has been spent with whining. If one starts the other follows just as loud. Nothing has worked to quiet them. THIS is when I hate him. I need a break. Back in the day I would have called him and let him hear them cry and say... hurry home. Knowing he couldn't but at least he knew I needed him. Now there isn't anyone to call. Yes I have friends but no one needs to hear my whining. SO I pray. I give thanks. I thank God for His joy, His strength, His perfect peace. I hold my little ones tight and apologize for checking out.

Its crazy how days like this start like this. My eyes open and it is hard to breathe. Tomorrow is Friday. They get to be with their dad for the weekend. I get to have LOTS of girl time. By the way, thanks to all my friends who schedule time with me each day. You have NO IDEA how much I need human contact that isn't just from a computer screen. Now computer screen thanks for letting me get my session in. Breathing is becoming easier as we speak.

Be looking for a post about online dating. HA it all just makes me laugh.

Quiet Saturday Mornings

The children are with their dad. Yes I miss my kids LOTS but I embrace my weekends. They are times for me to re energize for the rest of the week. When they aren't here I just stay in bed listening to the quiet (minus the moving truck a few houses down). Enjoying my bed, the fan, sunshine coming into the room. I make coffee and begin the day nice and slow. Silencing all the thoughts in my head.

I am going to be just fine!

I'm BACK!!!

My break is over. Life keeps being so full of surprises (said SUPER sarcastically!) I just wanted to send you a green cheer today!